ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
