lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
