I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I want you more than these girls want KFC
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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