He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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