that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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