currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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