The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
