how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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