question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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