if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
