how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
