since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
