Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You took a bar mat shot.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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