Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
