Pants 0. Shit 1.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
