We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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