she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
