So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
