I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
