I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
