Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
