did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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