I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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