someone owes me an orgasm
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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