Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
