Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
