please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
