On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
