that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
