So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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