I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
