You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
