Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
