my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Found your dick twin last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
