Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
whose parrot is this?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
