I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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