If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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