are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
