i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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