They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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