Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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