Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
