can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
