Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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