he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
