dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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