he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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