I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
