I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
