I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
