hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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