i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
