Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
